So the World Cup is over. The most overwhelming favourites in recent memory eventually lived up to the billing and brought the shiny gold replica of Sepp Blatters favourite bathroom ornament back to millions of adoring matadors!
While this World Cup might not be remembered for free flowing football or individual acts of brilliance, one new superstar was created. Enter Paul the psychic octopus!
Not since spoon bender Geller 'moved' the ball at Wembley in Euro 96 to deny the Scots has the power of the mind so captured the worlds imagination. Eight out of eight correct predictions, nations on the edge of their seats and even Sky Sports News showing the feeding live, Paul bowed out of the World Cup with a record as good as New Zealand - UNDEFEATED! Unlike the All Whites squad though, Paul has had transfers bids from Madrid and death threats to boot!
Rumour has it that the exiled mollusk is retiring from what he does best. An octopus can only take so much pressure and expectation from a nation these days. Even a psychic one.
Speaking of expectation, on to England. Oh England. Where to start. The writing was on the wall the moment Rob 'for sale' Green lobbed a daisy cutter from that power house of football Clint Dempsey into his own net. If Green was on a one man mission to prove Don Fabio's choice of goalkeeper was as inspired as Steve McClarens then mission accomplished! All that was missing from Don Fabio was an umbrella.
Although fortunately for us the Italian messiah is keen to stay on in order to right the wrongs. I'm sure the £12m over the next two years had nothing to do with it.
As for Wazza, he was much like an Aston Villa signing in mid July: Nowhere to be seen. Sir Fergie put the no-show down to fatigue. This is Sir Alex Ferguson who rushed back his wonder boy in the Champions League and then dumped him on England a shadow of the player who had plundered 30 plus goals for Utd. At least Villa had the decency to rest Heskey all season.
To top the lot off JT, clearly feeling agrieved at something (unconfirmed rumour has it Fabio called told him 'Bridgy never used to do that' in a training session), decided to stand up to Capello infront of the worlds assembled press. Again, unconfirmed rumour has it that Terry woke up with a horses head on the pillow next to him and a half smoked cuban cigar in the ash tray.
Fortunately England weren't the only laughing stock. Step in France. Evra spat his dummy so far out of the pram it was home before the economy class French boys could set foot in Paris ready for a dressing down from the countries politicians.
Swiftly followed the doddering Italians. Unlikely World Cup winners four years ago, the defending champions looked like extras from an episode of Last of the Summer and promptly packed their bags to leave.
The rest of the tournament involved a Uruguayan single handedly dragging his team to the semis, another Uruguayans' single hand getting his team to a quarter final penalty shoot-out and the most cynical display from a footballer (cue Mark Van Bommel hack after tackle after hack) a World Cup has seen since Rivaldo went down clutching his face from a Turkish piledriver by the corner flag eight years ago. Spain were dazzling, sublime, fantastic and every other adjective Alan Hansen could spit out while grinding out 1-0 wins, while the Germans were ruthless and efficient while spanking four past England and Argentina. Makes sense huh?
Oh, there was something called a Vuvuzela but i don't think they'll catch on. Not in the Premiership this season anyway eh Sky?
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